1. |
The Turncoat's Tune
02:53
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I was caught
on the docks
with a hundred drums of rum
there were cops
round the block
with a hundred thompson guns
I stashed the cash cause the cops were crooked
I splashed some gas while I dodged the bullets
scratched a match and jumped
and swum to my freedom
Nursed my hurts
sitting watching
the fire and
wrung my shirts
listening
to the sirens
I limped down to ring the bell
at a China town "hotel"
and Mistress Han set me out some clothes
all freshly ironed
Where all the boys have loyalty
to a lousy local brewery
I wanna smash that brewery's bottles
over the heads of all my enemies
They said we have you surrounded
we know you are in there so
come out now with your hands
in the air
We said you'll never take us alive
Where all the boys have loyalty
to a lousy local brewery
I wanna smash that brewery's bottles
over the heads of all my enemies
where all the boys have loyalty
to a lousy local brewery
you'll never take us alive
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2. |
The Submariner's Shanty
02:32
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My predecessor needed three extra men
just to get the helmet off and on again
I only needed the cabin boy to work the ratchets
and the captain to double check the gaskets
I told myself that the ship's bobbin'
was the ocean itself not the steps I was walkin'
but still I had to draw a deep breath
before I plunged into the depths
to salvage ships in the murky gloom
where the man I replaced had met his doom
I was to take the board and bread
of the man who walked along the seabed
When I asked for advice from the crew
they said 'look for the suit, oh, and the dead man, too!'
when I asked if he would be hard to find
they said 'no, just look for what's left of his airline'
and this is how far that poor bastard got
found him seven steps in facedown in the rot
with the tatters of his hose waving bout in the sea
dead with less dignity than you'd ever catch me
so I got him on my shoulder with a pneumatic hoist
when a rumbling roar croaked out of the joist
and I heard more than saw that the mainstay rose
and caught in the hook was my precious airhose
He told me that I was monstrous big
needed someone like me on board his rig
I was to take the board and bread
of the man who walked along the sea bed
salvaging ships in the murky gloom
where the man I replaced had met his doom
I was to take the board and bread
of the man who walked along the seabed
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3. |
The Geriatric's Jam
02:18
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You've got to knock a little harder
knock a little harder for me
You've got to knock a little harder
knock a little harder for me
Son when you come up to my door
beat it like a drum I can't hear no more
Make a fist and pound some more
cause I can't hear a thing since the war
You've got to play a little louder
play a little louder for me
and sing a little louder
sing a little louder for me
Son put your soul into the song
cause my soul won't be hear too long
Turn the dials to eleven
before I die I wanna hear heaven
This might be my one last chance
so clear the floor and let me dance
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4. |
The Snakehandler's Hymn
03:32
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Out in the backwoods
in a church house
all covered in vines
up at the pulpit
his sweat drips
and blurs the good book's lines
this thick-skinned preacher
this theistic over-reacher
his flock follows him
in a fight against that infernal enemy
and in a box
in the backroom
when fed past the locks
she will consume
the mice that her preacher feeds her daily
and when he cannot get his due amen
from the gathered congregation
he calls on her
so they don't slip further
towards the clutches of eternal condemnation
he pounds the pulpit
for a moment
before he looks into the crowd
they fan their faces
in this holiest of places
he cannot do this alone but he is not proud
his greatest partner
he dances with her
as he would a wife
and though her fangs are filled with foul poisons
he fears not for his life.
and when he cannot get his due amen
from the gathered congregation
he calls on her
so they don't slip further
towards the clutches of eternal condemnation
And when he finally gets his due amen
from the gathered congregation
to his brow he lifts
a white handkerchief
and he sings songs of praise and salvation
he sings hallelujah, amen
with his gathered congregation
and then he moves through the pews
to shake hands with those who
will marvel at their preacher's new perforations
he's no stranger to the discoloration
he's become accustomed to the palpitations
so he prays to the lord
ask what must he do more
to save our souls from eternal damnation
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5. |
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I first laid eyes on Little Miss Lavender
on the cover of a calendar
that's ten years after
she failed as an actor
star of such famous films as 'Zombies in the Snow'
I said “Hello, Little Miss Lavender
And how’d you get on the calendar?
Down in my uncle’s basement?
Is that not such weird placement?”
There I was, just eight or nine years old
And left alone with Little Miss Lavender
And her eleven friends in the calendar
I riffled through the pages
wanted to take her places
And so that calendar - I stole!
And I took home Little Miss Lavender
Snuck and hid that calendar
This former child actress
Now underneath my mattress
And I never let my parents know!
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6. |
The Alcoholic's Anthem
04:54
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Poor me,
I'm older than I used to be
Poor me,
and now I'm older still
Poor me,
and the only sounds that I can truly say I love
is the sound of a slamming shotglass
and rain against my windowsill
I'm an Icarus with wings of whiskey
an Icarus
Poor me,
I'll take bourbon or brandy
Poor me,
that's my modus operandi
Poor me,
I'll take vodka or vermouth
to refill my little glass
fountain of youth
I'm an Icarus with wings of whiskey
an Icarus with whiskey wings
I'm an Icarus with wings of whiskey
an Icarus with whiskey wings
Poor me,
I've got a way with words
Poor me,
I've got a way with women
Poor me,
I've got another bottle in the kitchen
if you'd like to help me
to untie the ribbon
Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink
Poor me, poor me, pour me another
Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink
and I will pour one for you
my friend, my brother
Poor me
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7. |
The Embalmer's Blues
03:31
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We make caskets and coffins and bathtub gin
all kinds of sarcophagi, beds for the dead to lie in
under a few feet of dirt and the stink of formaldehyde
we stitch up their innards and keep their insides inside
Everyday is another one boxed and buried
I know what you are made of, I knew your father
his name is halfway down through last year’s roster
yeah, I’ve seen the stuff you are made of, I knew your mother, too,
I saw her one last time in here and I bid her adieu
Everyday is another one boxed and buried
I’m sorry about your grandpa, I know he died twelve years ago
but he taught me in school, so like I said, I know
and you are skeptical, I can tell
or maybe that face is a reaction to the smell
but I’ve seen people when they’re at their worst
the looks on their faces as they help load the Hearsts
and I know
Every day is another one boxed and buried
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8. |
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9. |
The Jailer's Jingle
01:31
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Every one of them is sitting on their arse
or I have to knock their knuckles to get 'em off the bars
and only half think to say their thank you sirs
when a debt is owed to society
they're locked up for life, I'm given the key
I'm cursed to care for crooks and criminals and boozers
I
Oh, I wish I had the cajones to pull some trick
so I could end up cozy in a house of brick
getting free bread and water three times a day
but these lucky fucks aren't thankful enough
if I'd been their judge I'd have judged more tough
but I got this job so I guess I'll have a little say
my job is justice
served in my own special way
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10. |
The Exorcist's Twist
01:56
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Another shot of formaldehyde
Mix it with a redbull
and keep me up all night
pass the scissors to get my stiches untied
get my limbs loose
so I can dance all night
and break all the bones in your neck
pull a cranial 180 like you crawled outta heck
we're dancing to prove that demons exist
Do the Exorcist's Twist
Half the party dances in
the pentagram
on the dance floor
half the party circles above
they were summoned here
by something more
so break all the bones in your neck
pull a cranial 180 like you crawled outta heck
we're dancing to prove that demons exist
Do the Exorcist's Twist
The power of rock 'n roll compels you
The power of rock 'n roll compels you to
Do the Exorcist's Twist
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11. |
The Witch's Waltz
04:29
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The Devil steps out of the boudoir
says that the house is just as condemned as we are
he smiles and shows his blue tongue and teeth
he thinks that he says something clever every time he breathes
I point and the skeleton pulls back the filthy old box spring
and the scarecrow opens the cellar door with an overdramatic fling
I flick the zippo I stole from my cousin
when I snuck and followed her to meet her coven
I pull tight my robes, I descend the stairs,
and breathe in all this cool dry air
Oh, Holy day!
When we gather around the altar
together this town's dark sons and daughters
to collude and conjure and auger
bringing sweet things to the slaughter
in this house gloomy and moonlit
from jack-o-lanterns and jacket pockets
giving up all we have to offer
giving sweet things to the slaughter
Oh, Holy day!
The vampire’s family is rich enough, they can buy him a cellphone
But he won’t light the way until the monster asks him if his mommy can buy him a backbone
There’s tons of puns at the skeleton, before storm shushes these young new converts
the devil pops in another treat and offers everybody some dessert
here in this basement, my secret sanctuary
where my troubled heart is safely buried
the other ghouls enter ground hollowed
though they don't know into what they've followed
perhaps
their souls
I should not
rush
against
the overpowering
storming
hush
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12. |
The Outlaw's Lament
03:11
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The horse and the Rider
just a dot in the distance
shimmering image of persistence
my canteen has now gone dry
left me nothing to drink
now the sun beats down from on high
But oh, my love
oh, my love
I would if I could
But that doesn't mean that I should
I wish that I could move just a little faster
Wish the sun and that lawman weren't such zealous bastards
neck and feet are blistered something fierce
despite the pain I keep moving as the law man nears
His shadow curves and points out wide
on either side
of his face
He is always unphased
no matter how I
set the pace
My very soul has now gone dry
he just carries on
I bet he never blinks an eye
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13. |
The Railrider's Rag
04:27
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Give myself the morning inspection
in that store window reflection
I found some scissors to trim the beard
I suppose it's been at least a year
between you and I
I think I look distinguished
in my suit and tie I'm dressed for business
six seven eight nine
time I moved on down the line
We were always at home
We were never alone
We were doing the RailRider's Rag
Used to be there was railways criss-crossing this great country
Used to be we were never lonely, though maybe just a little bit hungry
I knew Joe Junkpan
I knew Gooseberry Johnson
I knew Ammonia Cocktail Jones
And Johnny Decomposing
I knew admirals, counts, and dukes
through twists of fate and countless flukes
and sure it's been a while
but I'd greet them with a smile
Used to be there was work to do around a home or farm
Used to be you could borrow a couch or a stack of hay in the barn
Used to be that there was moonshine and jawharps
Round the burning barrels
Used to be that there was busted boots
and second hand apparel
Used to be that we were Always at Home
Sitting on stumps and logs
Used to be that we were never alone
together skirting the laws
but now there's not even railyard dogs
No there's not even railyard dogs
We were always at home
We were never alone
We were doing the RailRider's Rag
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14. |
The Librarian's Lullaby
03:33
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twenty tweed-wearing tweezer-wielding professors
mumbling, giving one another lectures
Dr Ashley yawns into his jacket, showing of his elbow patches
placing pieces of papyrus into little brackets
Drs Arnett and Adkins aren’t allowed to argue again, not since she stole his cane
Dr Sanders serves history Monday through Sunday, ever since his wife passed away
Dr Pucket puts papyrus into panes of glass, Dr Tucker takes a record of texture and mass
Dr Owsley is an authority on ancient inks, but he can’t see to give theories, Dr Thurgood thinks
forty teal gloves tirelessly toiling and sorting,
Dr Snelling is sifting and sniffling and snorting
pushing up their spectacles, every last one in bifocals,
all academic and antisocial
fifty fluorescent lights fill their faces with flaws,
magnifying the folds and flaps underneath their jaws
but on their stools they seem pristine, the white light glowing from low underneath
Or at least they do when they aren’t removing their teeth
Dr Pearson puffs his pipe and picks through the store, in a snapshot that hangs by the elevator
here Colonel Abrams is shaking hands with a bearded Sikh and a smiling guy from Japan
And as a library intern, I nod off at my desk, not allowed to touch a single speck
But I hope that I live to see the day when someone can repiece a single page
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He's Dead Jim Lexington, Kentucky
We have sworn our musical talents to exonerating our beloved uncle James. It is too late to save his life, but we still
might clear his name. Thank you for supporting this noble cause - It would be already lost without you.
-HDJ
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